Makeup Is Boring & Other Thoughts

By Azami - April 06, 2019

Makeup Is Boring & Other Thoughts

While I was writing this post, I listened to Rainy Forgiveness by Changed Habits. Try it !

As I'm writing this post, I feel sad. I've got mixed feelings, rather. I've been doing makeup for about four years on my own now and I've been a professional, graduated makeup artist for a little more than a year. In a nutshell - I love makeup, I love products, I love colors and as a makeup junkie, I love getting new makeup and even often making collections out of my favorite products. I've also been working at a makeup store, one of the most famous in the world, M.A.C. Cosmetics, for almost six months now so you can understand just how passionate about makeup I am.
I have several chests of drawers full of makeup products, colors and textures and I keep wanting more. Less is more ? Huh, nah - more is more. Is always more. The colors are always at least slightly different and desire overwhelms me often when I see new product releases. More brands in 2019, more products, more new formulas, less art. Yet, when I receive my stuff, I feel as happy as a child getting a new toy at Christmas and forget about it as soon as another product is announced by this brand or that brand. That is painful to me because I'm not able to curb myself sometimes and end up wasting a lot of money - and time. Money, because I use the new little awesome thingy twice or three times. Time, because I do spend a lot looking for that new product, that new underrated brand, something I can feed myself on and show you here. 
Blogging is dangerous in some way for me as I always want the latest thing, the most underrated, the most different product that no one knows about. I've never specialized in mainstream beauty products before and if you see a lot of new M.A.C. products here, it's just because I've got a lot of presents from the brand. Otherwise, I wouldn't even have those products. I'm not rich, I don't want to spend all my money on makeup anymore and yet sometimes I can't seem to be able to stop myself. I'll just buy this palette, and those four or five new lipglosses, and this, and that, till I have no money left on my bank account. I'll tell myself I won't do it next month and the same thing happens again next month anyway. I'm a demanding person in every area of life and I can't understand how I'm getting all wrapped up in the social media fast life, how I can be so weak. I would like to be an influencer and end up being an influencee.

This year, I've decided to travel a lot - as much as possible. What I want to do is create new memories. I don't want to spend all my young years in debt or in desire of material things. It's just not possible.
I live in France and have already visited London, Paris obviously since I live here and Lisbon a few weeks ago. My trip to Lisbon has opened my eyes about wanting to travel more often but I still did spend about €250 in makeup there. What happened on January 1st is that, just like a lot of people, I took some resolutions and my biggest was to not buy every damn little makeup product I came across this year. I kept the resolution for a solid three weeks I think, but the little purchases here and there have become more frequent and most importantly, bigger in terms of money.
Okay, I work now and I have a permanent position so I'm happy to have new guilty (or not so guilty, most often) pleasures from time to time but only minutes after the purchasing act, I don't feel happy anymore. The products seem different but they're really all the same in the end - just how different can a palette be from the 40 or 50 I already own ? I just like buying but the consequences can sometimes be very bad since at some point in my life, I did spend much more than I could and litterally had to scrape by. Fortunately, at that (long) point in my life, there were people around me that helped me out - moneywise. I'm not sure this is the best way for someone to recover since I don't think I'll ever be fully recovered. Buying is dangerous, at least to me.
As I said, this year I've decided to travel a lot. I've already planned short holidays in London in May, Warsaw in September, New York City in October and Los Angeles in December - almost all those times will be my first in these cities. I have got to keep some money aside for these trips. I'd love to be able to go to Brussels, Dublin and maybe Berlin or Amsterdam. Now that I'm working four days per week and am able to take one or two days off here and there, I can travel quite a bit and that is what is making me happy at the moment, knowing I can discover new cultures, new food, new places.

This said, I still love makeup and always will. My heart is still open to new brands, new products, new colors, new things that will make my heart melt. But how can I know if I'm really impressed by a product or if I want it just because I want to add it to my collection like a squirrel with nuts ?  At least the squirrel will eat its nuts at some point. Yesterday after work, I went to Sephora, to the Galeries Lafayette and other stores selling makeup and I saw some cool stuff. Just cool. The problem is that they were cool, but not much was actually impressive about them. Some Bobbi Brown lipsticks that cost almost €40, some Natasha Denona palettes that cost more than €100, some brands that we finally have in France, some eyeshadows, some lipsticks, some blushes, some stuff, some other stuff. Prices have gone up. There are so many brands and products that it's like speculation for makeup, what the f*ck is up with palettes that cost more than a hundred bucks ? At that point, my feelings are mixed : am I just filled with envy because I can't get these palettes, am I just mad because it's maddening to sell futile stuff at that price, what the heck is in those palettes ? I can't understand my actual feelings.
Nude is still nude, everyone wants nude, nude lipsticks, nude eyeshadows, few people dare to be daring and that is making me sad ; I thank myself sometimes for still doing some editorial photoshoot collaborations because I'd be driven crazy by the customers otherwise. Thank God some people are still letting me express myself that way. I need color in my life, I need to be able to create and I need to be in an environment that allows me and helps me create new things - art, makeup looks, products even someday, maybe. 
The makeup industry is vomiting more and more products, more palettes, more lipsticks, where's the newness in those matte nude lipsticks, what's the new thing about getting all of Tarte's new eyeshadow palettes in Sephora that are almost all the same, what's new about releasing a Reloaded version of the same palette you released three years ago ? The formula ? Oh, great. So we don't know how to use the products but we're releasing them in a hundred different formulas. Where's the art ? Where's the feeling ? Where's the newness ? Where's the excitement ? What's the core, what is inside, what is the meaning of those products ? I understand those brands need to make some bucks and I understand they're following people's needs and wants. I am just living in two separate worlds, one where people wear one whole bottle of foundation on their face with their cut crease and call it art, and one where people think that Velvet Teddy is too dark a nude and there's no meeting point and I'm just lost, trying to find a balance. I need to work on myself, on my way of thinking maybe, create new face charts, do impactful makeup looks with impactless products, find a way to create my very own colors and products, in a way find a way to not let my creativity die.

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